The first time I was molested, it was by a girl. A young girl, my same age. I ain’t think of it as molestation though.
It was a bad touch. A bad touch in a place that I knew shouldn’t have been in contact with nobody else’s: NOTHING.
Shame on me 🤫
The second time I was molested, it was by a girl. An older girl who was already shaped like a WHOLE woman! Big breasts, big butt, hair down there and everything.
She made me do things to her that I knew nothing about. But I remember them now, forever.
Why does this keep happening to me? 🤫🤫
The third time I was molested – it was crazy! To this day, I am jumpy when approached from behind (or the front, or the side) …
Since y’all keep doing it to me, I’m bout to go see what it’s like myself. 😒
I wanted to take control of me.
All before I reached my pre-teens, my hormones, or whatever that “turned on” feeling is – had been ignited.
Soon, it was on and poppin!
As I reflect back on my childhood and adolescence, I can think of a few other incidents that could have been categorized as sexual abuse. Hell, even full-blown rape.
But I ain’t tell nobody. How COULD I have been helped if nobody knew about it but me and the perpetrators?
I try to think about how I was feeling at that time? What was I feeling at that time? And of course, how these events affect me today?
It’s a lot of reflection on a lot of uncomfortable places in my soul.
Like I can for real feel it. And it hurts.
So I talk about it.
A while ago I talked to the girl that molested me the second time; the older one. I sent her a message letting her know that I now recognize that the things she did to me so long ago have hurt me in great ways well into my adulthood.
Tip: It may help to have some form of support in your space at this point of revelation because the emotion can be overwhelming! I suggest a confidant, something spiritual, a nice song … something.
I told her that I found myself withholding hugs and kisses from my own mom because her body shape always reminded me of hers. For years. 😢
I told her that I pray that she recognizes her mistakes. AND since she has a child now, I pray she is able to protect them from situations like the one she put me in.
I wanted her to feel it like I have felt it from that day at her cousin’s house.
And do you know what she said?
She said she was sorry over and over again. She said that she had wanted to say something to me for years but she didn’t know how to.
She confided that she was being molested herself during that time.
She said that she just wants me to know that she is not this big monster that I probably know her to be.
Man, I needed that. It made me feel so much better!
Now, I don’t have to walk around with this big hurt piece in my heart. I can scroll past her pictures and not be mad.
What not to do: Do NOT hold onto past hurts. Let that shit go.
I don’t know if I would say I’m completely healed from my trauma of molestation, but I have definitely started the process.
… and now I can go lay in my Mommy’s lap. 🤗
+ Ci Ci +
* If you or someone you know have been sexually assaulted and you don’t know where to turn, this link may help you out.
* If you are on the outside looking in and just don’t know what to do, click here. I hope this helps.