I don’t know about anyone else but my HIV diagnosis came with a pair glasses.
Nah, not a real pair …
but these figurative ones.
The kind that allow me to see through the bullshit of life through a lens of gratitude.
You know, people can say that they support you and they understand but here we go again …
actions speak louder than words.
I would tell this story often in my early days of advocating about how when I first got diagnosed I lost a close friend of mine because of it.
I never quite understood how MY diagnosis of HIV would be the thing to separate me from someone I held so dear.
I could never wrap my head around the fact that I was living out my fear of stigmatization in my own life at the hands of someone that I had once been so close to.
And because I couldn’t understand it, I left it alone.
Cus I be needing my T cells and ain’t nobody important enough to get them jawns for free.
So, you know – I’m all on this healing journey and the space is given for this particular subject to be revisited.
The individual states that HIV was not the reason that the relationship was ended.
tHeY WoUlD NeVeR Do tHaT.
It was explained that there were other unspoken situations that led them to make the decision to cut ties.
HIV was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I had to wipe the glasses off cus some shit wasn’t adding up.
So, let’s get this straight.
The thing that was not a thing (HIV) was the actual thing that catapulted the downfall of an extremely close friendship.
Tip: Read between the lines.
Sometimes, I think it is just hard for people to come out and say what they really feel.
So instead, their mouths say one thing but their actions show another.
HIV could never be a back-breaking straw, if you love someone.
I dunno, I kinda always just thought that these types of things were implicit.
I never thought that it required an explanation.
Like seriously, if you love someone, you love them through their good and their bad.
But that’s just me, I guess?!
Well see, ten years ago – it hurt.
Five years ago – it stung.
Today – I call it what it is:
What not to do: Don’t forget your shades. Cus you got them somewhere.
It doesn’t take a HIV diagnosis to recognize those who are really down for you.
Thank God, right? Lol
And y’all know these glasses are all in my mind.
Just watch the way people deal with you.
And when they deal with you funny, be grateful for that.
Be grateful that they showed you their true colors.
Because that’s the realest thing they can do.
But remember you have every right to walk away when you don’t like what they painting.
+ Ci Ci +